You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
