Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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