Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
