She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
