Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
