Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
