i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
