when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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