my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
