Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
