Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
