i don't like sucking hair
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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