there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
