Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
