I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
