he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
