Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
