there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
