well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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