My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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