Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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