my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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