I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
