Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I just sharted jello shots
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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