but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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