My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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