So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You need Xanax blowdarts
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
