Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
