Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
