He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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