Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
