Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
