the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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