so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
