I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
