Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Best friends brother. Beat that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
