I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
