Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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