I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize