I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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