If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
