i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
