I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
