I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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