Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
