I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
