I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
