Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
