There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
