So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
