A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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