True but thats because hes a fetus.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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