please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
