Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
