I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
