Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You ruined the universe
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
