You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
