Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
