A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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