you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
