Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
