Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
