We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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