He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
