Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize