took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
