life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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