Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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