I can text with my tongue
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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