Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
