My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize