Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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